Just like a nursing mother watching over her stubborn child, I sat down for three hours trying to console Michael, who had cried with phlegm after he realised that his girlfriend was his father’s side chick. Anyway, since humans have vowed never to put an end to wonders, there’s no need to yell, geez!
Michael is the only child of his parents, a handsome and charming dude in his late 20s.
Unlike ugly me, who was vying for ladies’ attention in my neighbourhood despite my expensive outfits and exotic jewellery, these ladies ignored me and channelled their flows entirely on Michael.
Michael was the centre of attention among the ladies on my street. They showed various seductions, sending green lights, but Michael remained firm.
He’d been searching for his soul mate for years and had vowed never to sleep with another woman until he married. Michael was carefully observing celibacy. I attempted to imitate his style several times, but I kept falling off the roof.
I know you’re not thinking otherwise because everyone knows my father is a catechist and I’m not a playboy; even if you think I am, trying to imitate Michael’s sexual lifestyle will have you wondering if you’re a tree.
I often recommended pretty ladies to Michael, but he turned them down. If I hadn’t been his friend, I would have assumed he was gay.
Wow! The month of September 2021 marked a turnaround in Michael’s life.
My guy went to church on a Sunday morning and automatically fell in love with Jennifer, the choir mistress.
He was looking at Jennifer, who was singing and swaying her hips on the pulpit, and I could see the attraction in his eyes.
She carried her head backwards as if dancing salsa, held the microphone over her head, and shook her breast four times as if she knew Michael was admiring her. This time, she was shaking her hips very seriously.
“Wow!” Michael muttered. “Are you OK?” ” What’s that?” I asked. “Nothing,” he said. As a street guy, I was decoding what was cooking in my guy’s brain.
I looked closely at his thighs and noticed he had an erection already. Hey, this girl has just turned my guy on. It’s like he was raping Jennifer in his brain. Indeed, her seductive prowess was simply tactical.
Jennifer continued. Her voice had the same tone and pitch as Whitney Houston’s.
The congregation stood, dancing and clapping. Michael could not stand because he already had three legs.
After the mass service, he approached Jennifer, who was patiently waiting for his attention. From what I saw, it’s a perfect match. Both became lovers thereafter.
I was happy for my friend; at least now he has a lover. Michael never wanted her parents to know about her new lover, so they always visit my place whenever they want to have happy moments.
One thing was spectacular about their visits, each time they came to my house, I knew I must eat chicken and fried rice.
Jennifer makes delicious fried rice and always leaves some in my pot. At some point, I stopped welcoming other visitors apart from Michael and Jennifer.
Michael was taken aback by his sudden transformation from virgin to lover boy. He would sometimes blame himself for losing his virginity after the promise he made.
He was afraid to tell his father about his new lifestyle for fear of being disowned. His father is a simple, God-fearing man who is sometimes mistaken for a monk.
To show how dedicated he was, he was elected president of the All Men Fellowship, a gathering of upright men.
After some months, Michael commended Jennifer’s faithfulness and concluded she would make a good wife.
Unlike other ladies who cherish luxury, Jennifer was very judicious; she preferred looking simple: no artificial hair, no makeup, dressed decently, prayed every day, and was always seen in front of choristers three times every week.
Michael was planning how to host a surprise engagement party for Jennifer. I supported his decisions and promised to help him achieve that. So I became the event planner.
In the morning, I left for Blue Island Hotels in Enugu State, Nigeria, to get space and other items ready for the engagement party. As I was discussing the engagement plan with the hotel’s event manager, I saw Jennifer enter the Hotel lodge.
She was putting on a short skirt and an expensive wig. I had to rub my eyes to see clearly. Is this not Jennifer? I muttered to myself that I knew she was the one.
I stepped aside, brought my phone, and called Michael to come over. After 10 minutes, Michael arrived at the hotel. He could not believe who I told him I saw. We were so curious to know her whereabouts.
As a smart guy, I bought wine, gave a server in the hotel some money, and asked him to take the drink to the room she entered while we walked behind him.
The server was tired of using the doorbell and decided to knock on the door. After knocking on the door sixteen times, Jennifer opened the door.
She was still talking with the server when Michael and I opened the door widely and entered the room.
Jennifer could not believe her eyes when she saw us. She forced herself to run away, but I dragged her back and closed the door. “Who are you with?” Michael asked.
Jennifer was speechless and could not say a word. She had got sealed lips. A voice came from the bathroom. “Baby, who are you talking to?” the man in the bathroom inquired. “I’m talking to myself,” Jennifer replied.
Jennifer bent her head in shame. Michael was already fuming, waiting for the man in the bathroom to come out. He was ready to fight.
The man had finished taking his bath, dried himself, and moved out of the bathroom naked.
He was shocked and stood still after seeing Michael. “Daddy…! Aarrgh, it can’t be you! “Oh, my goodness, what is this?” Michael felt he was dreaming.
He couldn’t believe his eyes. Seeing his father naked was a shame he was trying to absorb; knowing that his father had been sleeping with his lover was another shame even heavier than his father’s nakedness.
I was just dumbfounded. It took me a few minutes to understand what was going on. I was ready to beat the man up, but, seeing that the man in question was my friend’s father, I got cold feet, and my hands withered.
“I am sorry, Michael; I didn’t know he was your father,” Jennifer cried out. “Shut up, scumbag; shameless pretender, Jennifer, you stink; I feel like killing you right now.”
“As for you, dad, I feel sorry for my innocent mother, whom you have forced to believe you are the perfect and most faithful husband in the world”.
“She would cry blood if she heard that her so-called faithful husband was caught in a hotel room with her son’s girlfriend; this is disheartening,” Michael said as he battled not to cry.
I held Michael’s hand and helped him out of the hotel room. He cried as we drove home. That was like a movie to me. I kept wondering what kind of movie I saw.
Sometimes, humans are not what we think they are. Pretence is the mother of heartbreaks. An upright human is a human who is innocent of what he condemns. Therefore, there is no attitude more significant than being real.
