New Episode! Some Men Will Stain Your White, 4

If you have been following the ‘Some Men Will Stain Your White‘ series, you will not like to miss this episode. Can a man decide to leave his relationship of 6 years over a plate of Jollof rice?

Why the sudden stare? Is something wrong with the rice? Is the meat hard or too spicy for your liking? You aren’t gawking at me in disdain either. I don’t understand the soft look I am receiving.

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It’s alarming, Edward! Is that not admiration I see in your countenance? What’s the abrupt display of approbation?

You can believe me when I say that I didn’t add anything other than the necessary ingredients to make that Jollof. Eziokwu (true). I didn’t add any hypnotizing spice.

But wait, oh! Is it the deliciousness of the food that’s creating all these reactions in you? This is strange.

The look I was getting from his group of friends was understandable. They were enjoying the meal and the fact that I made it surprised them the more. So, she can cook too? “Is there something you can not do?” Eddy asked.

Well, Edward, thanks a lot for the heartfelt commendation, but stop already. Stop looking at me like you are a modern-day Esau about to sell his birthright over a lentil of stew.

I thought the whole scene would end in that episode until I got a shocker.

This was how it all started. I was on my own that balmy Friday afternoon when my friend, Ugo, came to meet me.

She said her fiancé was coming to visit from Abuja and she wanted to get some meals ready for the day and that she would love me to do the cooking; I didn’t think twice, as the aka n’esiri ora (societal chief chef).

I accepted without further ado, and I think that was one of the biggest mistakes I made that day.

I cooked the food with so much passion as if I was nominated for a Maggi contest. Walahi! I too dey overdo. 

The Jollof was smoky, garnished with veggies, and the beef was properly fried and then tossed into some pepper sauce.

Then, I took time to prepare the Egusi soup and made sure the melon was lumpy. The Egusi graduated from the Harvard School of Culinary Arts. But the truth is that I didn’t put in my best because I wanted to leave an impression.

I wasn’t thinking for a second that doing what I was doing would attract Edward’s attention; I was just doing it the best way I knew how.

I’ve heard countless times that a man’s stomach is the way to his heart, but I never intended to go to my friend’s fiancé’s heart, mbanu (not at all).

Moreover, I assumed that was it until Edward called me two months after his trip and launched into a protracted, startling sermon that sounded like the chorus of a cymbal that had broken.

He said: “Please don’t tell her that I was the one that called.” “I’d like to speak with you about something.” Edward continued.

It has been on my mind since my last visit to Ibadan. I wish you would understand and refrain from being critical.

You know, there are many things one might fail to take note of in a relationship because of distance and all, but a lot became clear to me during that short period I spent around Ugo.

My fiancée, Ugo, is a nice girl. She’s hardworking and smart, but she can’t keep a home. She’s very particular about making money and gives little or no attention to chores.

I need a domesticated woman who I can rely on to keep our home in order even when I’m not there and who will watch over my children carefully.

Fred, I need a woman who can cook. I appreciate the flavour of fine cuisine and want a woman to be proud of so that I won’t have to worry when my friends stop by for meals.

Fred, Anya eruro Ugo ani (Ugo is not homely). I didn’t notice all these until that weekend visit I made to her place two months ago.

Fred, I see all the qualities I desire in a woman in you. I know it sounds odd to say this, but I’d rather say it than not say anything at all. “Can we start something?” He asked.

Phew! For like ten minutes, I was too awestruck to say anything. What in God’s name was I supposed to say when Edward decided to implicate me? Edward choru i raputa m (Edward wants to implicate me). 

Five months to your wedding and you want to switch players? Edward, I am not a baller! just because of the jollof rice and egusi soup! Hmm! Oh! Chim o.

When I was calm enough I asked him, “Eddy, how long have you been with my friend?” He replied, “Six years,” to which I responded, “So throughout the six years you courted and dated my friend, you never noticed that she wasn’t domesticated and homely?”

So you were able to open your blinded eyes after just one weekend? Is it possible to undo six years of convictions in just one weekend? Oh, Uwa ntoo! (Shame).

I sincerely don’t have a clue about what some men want!

Your fiancée was the one who stood by your side to build your business when you lacked what it took to develop it.

She devoted her time, finances, and everything it took to ensure you stood on your feet; you can boast of a house and two cars today because of Ugo’s sweat, perseverance, and zeal.

You’ve just realized with your oblong, double-decker head that she is not domesticated.

See, in this life, you can’t have it all. If you see 65% of what you are looking for in a mate, why not enjoy what you’ve got and focus on his/her strengths rather than capitalizing on weaknesses?

There’s always room for improvement, so you can ask her politely to improve her cooking rather than throw her away because you think you’ve found something better.

Can the person you think is better work hard, and is her love for you strong enough to justify giving up six years of her life for you?

Don’t quickly forget the hands that once provided for you.

After the unsolicited advice that did not go down well with Edward, I told him to perish that idea and never again call me to tell me such abhorring confessions.

This experience taught me a valuable lesson as well: no matter how close you are to a female friend, never cook for her fiance, and be as distant as possible to save your neck since everybody has decided to go mad.

Indeed, it’s the delight of some men to stain your white.

What would you have done if you were in my shoes? Let’s get your views in the comment section.