I am a spinster but won’t be for long. In this blog, I will share some valuable advice on how to make your marriage better and happier.
I love what love represents. I beam with so much admiration when I see people who are in love display so much affection, and most of the time, I help them create happy-ever-after events in my imagination.
I often take my mind off reality to create love scenes with my imaginary lover, and I paint the pictures so vividly that even my consciousness gets jealous of the strong bond I share with the man in my head.
Call it fantasy or delusion, but to me, it’s me being my architect. I am sketching the plan of what will be replicated in my future.
I am creating a blueprint of my home in my mental diary so that when reality strikes, I won’t run out of scripts since I want my real-life experience to be spontaneous and consistent.
But every time I seem to have gotten the best depiction, something happens to bring me back to the real world.
Yesterday, as we sat, I didn’t know what prompted the discussion or swayed it in that direction.
“Marriage is beautiful,” she said, but why did she say it with her head bowed? Why did I sense so many restrained emotions in that speech? Was that pain I saw in her eyes?
Her pulse doubled when she spoke, and she slurred her speech as if she was deliberately counting her words for emphasis.
Ma’am, if marriage is that beautiful, why then does the mention of marriage change your mood so?
Did I understand you correctly when you said, “If a woman does not marry the right partner, she will live the rest of her life in mayhem?” Were you speaking in parables, or were those words paradoxical?
Was it irony you spewed or did you shapeshift to carry another’s burden? Is this pain yours or someone else’s?
I sat and listened intently, as if I was Saul, paying undivided attention to Gamaliel.
She continued: “Life is hard, but life hits the hardest when the same person that promised you bloom and bliss, assured you of love and faithfulness, a shoulder to cry on and a personal dick to ride on, a listening ear and a safe place in chaos, a playmate, your prime and surest confidence, your support system, and your biggest fan, changes out of the blue to be your scariest nightmare.”
When the knight in shining armour becomes your nightmare, the one who courted you in chivalry drags you into a marriage of pure slavery. The one who promised you nothing but candy ends up giving you an experience that tastes purely like chalk. What a pity!
As I paid attention, I couldn’t help but wonder, does marriage change people or unmask them? Why is there a rising rate of divorce cases? Is it that the couples were masquerading during courtship and never revealed who they truly were? Is it an issue of compatibility?
Isn’t courtship supposed to reveal who complements you or not? What makes people fall in love? What changes make them fall out of love? Is there something that should be done right that isn’t being done? Questions, endless questions.
Isn’t the world a crazy place? The unmarried lie in their cold-stricken beds, without a better half to keep them warm, no one to share pillow talks with; no firm body to cuddle, and not even a teddy bear can ease the pain.
They use tears as a sedative some nights. When will my crown arrive, poor me?
The absence of a companion makes most spinsters ask the rhetorical question: “God when?”
While the married will ask, “God, why?” When will my spouse change these traits that want to break our home?
The irony of life is that those who are in want to opt out while those who are out want to hop in.
Nevertheless, some marriages will make you say inwardly, “If this is what marriage is all about, then I am better off single,” while others will make you admire the nuptial union.
If it isn’t verbal or physical abuse, we’ll hear about domestic violence. Manipulation and unfaithfulness: these are some unpleasant realities that can be found in marriages.
Great Spinster’s Association!
What should we do? Remain unmarried or marry anyway?
As I listened to Mrs. Onu give her account of the marriage arrangement, I came up with the following invaluable advice for both married and single people:
- As a single person aspiring for marriage, work first on developing yourself and try as much as possible to build your relevance so that, in the near future, you won’t be dying to get another person’s validation.
- Know yourself and find those things that spur you to be the best version of yourself.
- Lower your expectations. Some go into marriage expecting a little piece of heaven experience only to be floored by the shocking turn-out of events. It’s not bad to dream big, but train your mind to hope for the best yet anticipate the worst.
- Everybody is imperfect, yet you choose your kind of imperfection. Don’t be blinded by affection; take time to figure out those traits in a potential mate that might end up being mountain-like obstacles when you eventually marry.
- Don’t settle for the standard cliché: “I will change him or her.” No human can change any human who doesn’t see the need for change.
- Once you see the red flags and know from ab initio that you won’t be able to cope, don’t ignorantly fly in because you want to desperately change the “single” status that’s becoming a stigma to you.
- Avoid making comparisons. No two marriages are alike. Concentrate on your uniqueness and build on the positive aspects of your partner.
- It’s not too late to overturn deadly behaviours. Don’t say, “This is who I am.” If who you are is poison-like, humble your over-stuffed shoulders and consciously walk towards improvement.
- Be committed to your spouse
- Give room for dialogue. Matters fail when they are not aired out; emotions suffer when they aren’t expressed, and always speak your mind when the time calls for it.
- Be a good listener
- Be industrious, don’t be dependent.
- Your word is your bond; keep your ‘vow’.
Not all marriages end in disaster. There are amazing marriages out there. Learn from the worst and use the lessons to improve your home.
Lastly, “be willing always to eat what you serve others.” Hence, treat your mate exactly the way you’d love to be treated.
I am a spinster, and I won’t stop wishing for a time when I will have the best marriage experience with a man who understands the words spoken by my eyes and can tell when the rhythm of my heartbeat changes.
Moreso, a man who knows my joy and sadness, sees my fears and doubts, and encourages me to conquer and subdue, because my greatest aspiration in life is to “be happy even in sadness.” I know for sure that it won’t be a perfect union, but I desire to have a home where my body will be allowed to breathe.
Do you think there’s something else The Spinster’s association should know or do? Let’s get your candid opinions in the comment section.
See 13 Relationship Issues, How To Avoid Them and Solutions to learn more.
