Historically and currently, husbands have been in charge of family breadwinning. This right to rule is natural, and no one objects. Meanwhile, most women nowadays, with or without grudges, are in charge of family breadwinning. The big question is whether women’s roles as breadwinners should be viewed as a means to deny men’s rights as family heads.
Is it any parent’s natural right to be the family breadwinner? Why is there always a void in our minds when we try to interpret the question, “Who is the breadwinner in the family: the wife or the husband?” In general, this mindset has destroyed many families and caused divorces between couples. However, in recent times, the debate over women being breadwinners has become a topic of discussion, particularly in families where there is already discord.
A man once told his family therapist, “I am the head, and my wife is the tail.” In response, the counsellor asked, “What then happens to the middle, since you are the head and your wife is the tail?” According to the counsellor, such a remark is inappropriate and has the potential to destroy a family. They say that extents produce greatness, but service lies in strength. What to deliver is always the case, regardless of who or how to deliver it.
Apart from the Indian way of marriage, it has remained an unbroken truism that a man remains the head of the family regardless of the challenges he may face in the course of family upkeep. Could this headship right be revoked if a woman becomes the breadwinner, most likely because she earns more than her husband?
To think about it, some average African men believe that they should always be ahead of their wives, provide entirely for the family, and keep the woman under their watch and control to protect their respect, orders, and rights to fatherhood. But, if the situation is reversed, how does the man feel seeing his wife as the family breadwinner?
Some researchers demonstrated that some men, particularly in Nigeria, feel emasculated when this occurs. They believe their entire power has been stripped from them, and that, as a result, their rights, orders, and respect will be meaningless in the eyes of their breadwinning wives. Is this the case?
Some may wonder why some women are now earning more than their husbands. The question, as you believe, is valid because women are beginning to take a stand in society. In Nigeria and other countries, women are empowered through special programmes like women’s political and legal empowerment, women’s economic and social empowerment, girl-child training, sustainable development programmes, leadership training, career development, and so on. All of this empowerment and training has given some women the ability to be self-sufficient.
For example, 38% of American wives earn more than their husbands in the United States. Some of these successful women are business owners, political candidates, chief executive officers, music celebrities, and the like. Do you think these successful breadwinner mothers will abandon their jobs because of how their husbands feel?
As opinions differ, some may see this as a sign of impending doom for men, while others may believe that a woman earning more than her husband causes no harm. According to Christopher Clay, “contribution must not only be available on demand but must be available at all times.” The problem persists when breadwinning is regarded as a personal right. However, if we accept the conventional wisdom that breadwinning is linked to domestic leadership, then when the wife becomes the breadwinner, it appears to raise issues of role allocation, such as: what money belongs to whom? What funds are available to whom? How will the bills be paid? Who is going to look after Junior, who has chickenpox? And who does the laundry? When all of these things deteriorate, the family becomes a forum for determining who is the better parent. Whose decisions are most carefully considered, who cares the most, who has the least important job, and who is indispensable at work?
It is now necessary to discuss some women’s behaviour when they become the family breadwinner. Some women appear to sound authoritative in this course, abandoning their traditional and motherly role and smearing mud in the face of the man who may have lost his job, become trapped by illness, or become handicapped by accident. While we’re on the subject, some breadwinners, as we all know, honour their husbands and continue to play the motherly role even though they know the burden of family upkeep falls squarely on their shoulders.
Couples should be aware of this, take a deep breath, and try to accept their more complicated feelings. Partners must be friends who provide comfort and support as they both navigate such deep and emotional waters.
The issue of breadwinning is critical and should be studied carefully. The most important thing for a husband and wife to remember in this situation is that they are in a marriage to raise an institution called the family. The issue isn’t who makes how much money. The problem should be juggling two jobs, the kids, and other house chores, such as a mountain of laundry. Work in pairs to determine what tasks must be completed each week. Maintain the children’s safety and happiness, as well as the household’s order and smooth operation.
Get past what you think the other should be doing and concentrate on how you will both get everything done in a way that is fair to everyone. If you find yourself in repeated and heated arguments about money, decisions, and household tasks, do not assume that the problem is your partner’s fault. You may require the services of an objective family counsellor to assist you in sorting out the feelings, attitudes, and behaviours that each of you brings to the situation.
It is now necessary to inform you that the following possible solutions may be of assistance in this situation:
- Note that no parent more special than the other
- Remember that you are pioneers of your union
- Never undermine one another’s efforts
- Love and understanding are the greatest solutions
- Don’t be afraid to seek professional assistance.
